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Choices

7C7E2C53-9CAF-4557-9D84-E1CA06A85D1EThis social isolation situation has me dumbfounded and second guessing myself. So many emotions. The days that had flown by, for me, can either be described as okay and not so okay days. Some days, I have the energy to to productive tasks, other days, I have to force myself to shower. In, between days are reserved for stress cooking and mindless repetitive scrolling for anything.

The other day, I have this overwhelming feeling of guilt. I comtemplated that I should be contributing something myself to alleviate the suffering of the world. I should’nt be netflixing my days away while the frontliners are sacrificing their life and all. I should’ve sign myself to volunteer somewhere and not take a time off from my job in the health care. The more I ruminate, the more I am doubting my decisions in life.  If I should’ve taken a nursing degree or any essential professions. I should’ve signed up long time ago. If I had know that this will happen, I should’ve been more prepared. I envy the people I know who are thriving from home based work and made suitable career choices.

I realized that who am I as a person now is a summation all my collective hardships.  I cannot be resilient now if it were not for all the struggles. There is no easy path around. We have to take a road that is meant for us to trudge. There is no looking back unless you want to see how far you came and how many boulders that you dodged. The callouses in our foot are the constant reminders that we can overcome fear and pain.

I realized that pandemic or no pandemic is not the time to start a new career. It is not about making drastic life decisions. Life doesn’t have a reset button, if it does, failure won’t be an option. But, it is still not too late to make sensible and practical choices.

Saying that this is the new normal is an understatement. Adjusting has always been the norm. When a sudden event change poses a threat, we have an natural survival instinct and once the threat is gone, we adapt to a new routine. We learn from our mistakes hopefully and evolve to a wiser human being. 

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