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Is it just me?

The transition to cooler weather and the time adjusting hits slightly different this time to me, anyway. There is an invisible load that I am carrying, figuratively, that I cannot pinpoint what it is. Lately, I have recurring dreams of acquaintances who I haven’t seen or talked to in decades. It is mind boggling why I think of them in the back of my mind. I hope that I am not going loony.I think I just need someone to talk to. Do you ever cried for no reason? Or it is just so overwhelming that your mind just chooses to wander away?

Great! Things are starting to get better. Time for holiday preparation which I am only doing the absolute basics. Which is what I do every year, which I am thankful that I still have the energy to do everything. Really, I am just trying to get by this time of the year.

This year I learned that gratitude in small things, even the events that didn’t go well as planned are still is something to be thankful about. Sometimes, you expect good things to happen, but in reality, it can go either way. It can be frustrating if something you dream and hoped for is not happening for now.

This year taught me that time is the most valuable asset we have.I would’t asked for a problem-free life. I would wished for a healthy coping mechanism. Many times, I overslept because I cannot deal with life. It was the only thing to cope with stress I guess. Our youth, like time we can never take back. Money is a great motivator. With money, most of our problems can be solved, not all.

Looking back this year, I had a few small victories. First, I have restraint myself to not overspend for unnecessary things that will end up in clutter, like buying overpriced meals that will sit on the fridge and spoil. I am still working on self-control when I am browsing social media. I have unfollowed accounts that are making me feel insecure. I know, I should not be feeling unworthy in the first place. I do tend to be envious of strangers on social media, how perfectly curated the lifestyle they are promoting. I applaud those who found their calling early in life, I am still searching for mine. Being a work in progress is not something you start and never intend to follow through.

I am excited what the next year will bring! Am I going to pursue another degree? Am I joining another 5k walk/run next year? Will I have the courage and resources to go to the oral surgeon for wisdom teeth extraction? Will my family be able to afford a mini-vacation next year? an idea that seems like a major feat.The possibilities are limitless. Lastly, prayers have been answered, found a great church to grow with, loved-ones are safe and well. Dodged a major storm, literally. Life is good.

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