Insanity

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Did you ever had the feeling when suddenly your heart starts racing, chest pounding, and you find yourself restless and gasping for breath, a feeling like your mind is detaching from your physical body? You want to scream on top of your lungs but you cannot utter a sound.

Even simple tasks like showering and grooming becomes unbearable. You refuse to get out of bed. Wanting to sleep and waste the whole day away. It’s not because you want to be lazy. It seems it’s the only way to feel better. But the cycle continues. You feel even worse than before.

You refuse to go out of the house. You are afraid of the uncertainty. You miss work and procrastinate. Yo do not care about the due dates anymore.

Your feel that your health is failing. That the foods you eat are destroying your body.

You feel that youth is slowly drifting away, Your body is deteriorating day by day. There is no time to change.

The things that you enjoy doing don’t interest you anymore.

You feel that you are doing nothing right.

You feel that no one cares. Every body is against you. You don’t care about yourself.

There is a massive burden in your chest that you need to unload.

These thoughts are controlling my mind.

It feels paralyzing.

That you want whatever it is, to end soon.

I feel defeated.

But Then…

I forgot how God brought me out from the pits of desperation. I forgot how God nursed my soul from brokenness. I forgot how God saved me from my self-destruction.

I felt the breaths of life entering from my nostrils back to sanity. As if God knew what I needed this time. I felt your spirit from a person who underwent a difficult situation. To be courageous after a defeat lies the true strength.

When there was no way out, you led me to an open door. You nourished my body back to health. I feel the vigor rushing back to my senses. I regained the will to go on.  Forgive me Lord for ever doubting your presence.

Thank you for saving me from myself.

 

 

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